I was watching one of my favorite shows the other day—Watson, the new CBS series with Morris Chestnut—and one scene took me by surprise.(watch it here on CBS )
In the episode, a well-meaning doctor surprises her more private colleague with a birthday cake. Sounds thoughtful, right? But her colleague had already made it clear: she prefers to spend her birthday alone.
And then came the line that shook me:
“You are not the author of the universe.”
It wasn’t angry. It wasn’t dramatic. It was calm… and full of truth.
I sat there for a moment and thought about how often we overextend ourselves to help others—especially as women who love hard, give generously, and carry so much.
This blog was born from that moment. It’s a reflection for the woman who always shows up, who always pours out, and who sometimes doesn’t realize she’s carrying weight she was never meant to hold.
When Love Turns Into Quiet Control
We don’t mean to control. We mean to love. We mean to support. We mean to help.
But sometimes that love becomes an uninvited override. We step in where someone didn’t ask us to. We assume what they need. And we may even feel hurt when they don’t receive our gesture with gratitude.
Sound familiar? Sometimes, this is what I call “control with a bow on it.”
7 Gentle Signs You Might Be Overstepping
Sometimes it’s about grace and growth. Here are a few signs that your well-meaning care might be tipping into quiet control:
1. You often give advice without being asked.
2. You feel uneasy when someone doesn’t take your suggestion.
3. You take someone’s boundary personally.
4. You feel responsible for others’ emotions or outcomes.
5. You get frustrated when your “help” goes unacknowledged.
6. You expect others to receive your care the way you want them to.
7. You rarely ask, “What do you need from me right now?”
Self-Awareness is a Gift
Friend, this is where healing begins. Not in shame—but in awareness.
God doesn’t ask us to carry everyone. He asks us to walk in wisdom and love not control.
2 Corinthians 13:5 (ESV) says, “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?”
We are not the authors of anyone’s journey, not even the people we love most.
And that truth? It’s freeing.
Grow Through It
Reflection Prompt: Where in your life might love be crossing into control?
Practice This: Next time you want to help someone, pause and ask: “Would you like my help or just my presence right now?”
Wrap-Up: You Can Love Without Carrying It All
You don’t have to fix, manage, or rescue to be valuable.
You can love deeply and still release people to their own process.
Because you are not the author of the universe.
And that is such a beautiful relief.
