This is the last week many celebrate the “LOVE” month, so I wanted to share what I tell my clients when they tell me they “love hard” and it often leads them to a scarred heart.
Loving hard sounds beautiful in theory, giving your all, holding nothing back, and being deeply devoted. But if loving hard leaves you drained, broken, or questioning your worth, is it really love the way God intended?
If you’ve ever poured your whole heart into someone, only to end up hurt, exhausted, or feeling lost, you are not alone. The issue isn’t loving deeply—it’s when love becomes imbalanced and takes more than it gives.
What Is Loving Hard Costing You?
Many don’t realize the toll loving hard has taken on them until they’re emotionally exhausted, spiritually depleted, and unsure of how they got there.
Take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
- Have I ever lost myself in a relationship because I gave too much?
- Have I ignored red flags or compromised my boundaries in the name of love?
- Do I feel like I love others more than they love me in return?
- Am I emotionally drained from giving and not receiving the same energy back?
- Have I struggled to walk away, even when I knew the relationship wasn’t healthy?
- Do I rely on someone else’s love to feel valued, seen, or whole?
If you found yourself nodding to any of these, you may be loving in a way that costs you more than it should.
Let’s talk about some of the hidden costs of loving hard.
1. Loving Hard Can Lead to Emotional Exhaustion
When you love hard, you pour out everything—your emotions, your time, your energy. But when that love isn’t met with the same level of care and consideration, it can leave you feeling completely depleted.
Does your love energize you, or does it leave you emotionally exhausted?
The truth is, love shouldn’t deplete you. It should nourish, uplift, and strengthen you. If your love feels like a constant sacrifice with no return, it may be time to rethink how you’re loving.
2. Loving Hard Can Make You Lose Yourself
Have you ever been in a relationship where you slowly started changing—not because you wanted to, but because you felt you had to? Maybe you adjusted your personality, sacrificed your needs, or made choices to keep someone else happy.
Before you knew it, you barely recognized yourself.
Ask yourself:
Do I still pursue my own goals and dreams, or do I shape my life around someone else?
Have I changed in ways that don’t feel true to who I am?
Do I struggle to make decisions for myself because I’m used to prioritizing someone else’s needs?
A healthy relationship adds to who you are, not erases you. If you feel like you’ve lost yourself, it’s time to reclaim your identity—starting with who you are in Christ.
3. Loving Hard Can Compromise Your Boundaries
Loving deeply shouldn’t mean tolerating things that hurt you. But when you love hard, you might find yourself making excuses, ignoring red flags, or putting up with treatment you don’t deserve.
Have you ever said…
“It’s okay, they didn’t mean it.” (Even when they’ve hurt you multiple times.)
“If I just love them harder, maybe they’ll change.”
“I don’t want to seem difficult, so I’ll just let it go.”
Love doesn’t mean endless tolerance of disrespect, neglect, or emotional harm. Love has boundaries. And love that requires you to sacrifice your well-being is not love, it’s self-abandonment.
4. Loving Hard Can Set Unrealistic Expectations
If you’re a naturally loving person, you probably expect others to love the same way—deeply, intentionally, wholeheartedly. But when they don’t, it can feel like rejection, disappointment, or even betrayal.
But here’s the truth:
Not everyone will love the way you do, and that’s okay. The problem isn’t always how much you love, it’s expecting others to match your depth when they aren’t capable.
Instead of exhausting yourself trying to teach someone how to love you, shift your focus to who is already showing up with love and consistency.
5. Loving Hard Can Create Fear of Abandonment
The deeper the attachment, the harder it is to imagine life without that person. When you love hard, you may start fearing what will happen if they leave.
Will I be okay without them?
Will I ever find this kind of love again?
Did I do something wrong?
This fear can cause you to cling to unhealthy relationships, even when you know they aren’t serving you. But love should never make you feel like you have to prove your worth, beg for attention, or hold on out of fear.
Real love should feel safe, not like a constant fear of losing someone.
6. Loving Hard Can Make It Hard to Let Go
When you’ve invested so much in someone, walking away feels impossible. You replay the memories, the “what ifs,” the potential of what it could have been.
But here’s what I need you to hear today:
Love should not feel like a battle to be chosen, valued, or prioritized.
If you are holding onto love because of time invested, fear of being alone, or the belief that you just need to love harder, take a moment and ask yourself:
If I keep holding on, am I loving myself well?
Letting go doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re choosing to honor yourself and trust God with your heart.
Strive to Love Healthy, Not Just Hard
Loving deeply is a beautiful gift, but it should never come at the expense of your well-being—or your relationship with God.
The goal isn’t to love less—it’s to love in a way that leaves room for God to guide, protect, and fill you.
So ask yourself:
Am I loving in a way that honors me and reflects my worth in Christ?
Am I leaving room for God to be my source of love, security, and identity?
Am I making sure my love is balanced, life-giving, and aligned with His will?
Because love—real love—doesn’t break you.
It builds you. It strengthens you.
And most importantly, it keeps God at the center. 💜
