It’s easy to underestimate the power of words especially when they’re spoken in moments of frustration, stress, or emotional exhaustion.
“Get over it” might seem like harmless advice. But for someone already carrying pain, it can be crushing.
As a therapist, I’ve seen the emotional weight these words leave behind. They don’t just shut down conversations. They shut down hearts. What’s often said as a quick fix can break something fragile in someone who’s trying to hold it together. And for many I’ve sat with in counseling, those four words left a lasting wound.
In this blog, I want to talk about what those four words really communicate, why they can cause so much harm, and what we can say instead to offer real support especially to those who are trying their best to heal.
If we’re truly called to show compassion, we have to be more intentional with our words and that begins with understanding why “get over it” does more harm than good.
What “Get Over It” Really Says
This phrase often comes from discomfort.
“I’ve heard this before.”
“I have my own problems.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
We reach for something that feels quick and firm. Something that might get the conversation to move on. But here’s the truth:
That phrase doesn’t help.
It doesn’t lift anyone up.
It shuts people down.
It can silence what God may be working on in someone’s heart.
And it can make a hurting person retreat further into themselves.
Healing doesn’t happen with the flip of a switch.
It takes time.
It takes grace.
It takes safe space—and a steady, compassionate presence.
If we know better, prayerfully, we’ll begin to do better.
11 Reasons “Get Over It” Is Not Helping
1. It Dismisses the Pain
It sends the message that their emotions are too much.
Romans 12:15 – “Weep with those who weep.”
2. It Shames the Healing Process
Everyone heals differently. There is no perfect pace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 – “For everything there is a season…”
3. It Deepens Emotional Isolation
When someone feels shut down, they stop sharing.
Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens…”
4. It Ignores Underlying Trauma
Many wounds go deeper than what’s visible—father wounds, childhood neglect, betrayal.
Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted…”
5. It Reflects More About the Speaker Than the Hurting Person
Often, “get over it” is more about our discomfort than their healing.
6. It Overlooks Their Story
You can’t rush someone through a story you don’t fully know.
Proverbs 20:5 – “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water…”
7. It Can Trigger Shame Responses
It can make someone feel immature, weak, or unspiritual.
Genesis 3:10 – “I was afraid… so I hid.”
8. It Misses an Opportunity for Ministry
Instead of shutting it down, we can meet them with comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:4 – “He comforts us… so that we may be able to comfort others…”
9. It Breeds Silent Suffering
After being shut down once, many people decide not to open up again.
Psalm 32:3 – “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away…”
10. It Reopens Old Wounds
Dismissal can feel like rejection especially for those with father abandonment or emotional neglect.
Psalm 27:10 – “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me in.”
11. It Teaches Suppression, Not Strength
Suppressing emotion doesn’t heal it. It stores it.
Proverbs 4:23 – “Keep your heart with all vigilance…”
Is It Ever Okay to Encourage Someone to Move On?
Yes… eventually.
Healing is the goal. But growth starts by sitting with what’s broken, not rushing past it. Throughout Scripture, we see Jesus stop for the hurting. He didn’t brush them off. He asked questions. He looked people in the eye. He gave them room to breathe and process.
If you really want to help someone move forward, start by being present. Let your compassion create a safe place for healing to begin.
What Can You Say Instead?
Here are a few grace-filled responses that offer support, not shame:
- “I may not understand fully, but I’m here for you.”
- “That sounds incredibly hard. Do you want to talk about it?”
- “How can I support you right now?”
- “You don’t have to rush. Take the time you need.”
- “I’m praying with you and I believe in your healing.”
- “I care deeply. Can I help you find someone who’s equipped to walk through this with you?”
- “I may not be the best person to help, but I don’t want you to carry this alone.”
You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to make space. And space is where healing happens.
🌱GROW THROUGH IT
If anyone’s ever told you to “get over it,” hear this:
Your emotions are valid. Your healing doesn’t have a deadline. And your story is fully known and deeply loved by God.
Grab Your Journal:
- Has someone ever dismissed your pain? What did that moment teach you?
- What do you wish they had said instead?
Try This:
Write a letter just for yourself as if Jesus were speaking directly to your hurting place. Let His words remind you that He sees you, understands you, and is walking with you every step of the way.
If someone you care about is still healing from father abandonment or emotional neglect, resist the urge to “fix it” with a phrase. Be the friend who stays. Be the presence that listens. Be the safe space they need.
Let’s be more intentional with our words and gentler with one another’s wounds.
You’re not a burden—you’re beloved.
Muah,
Dr. Nanette
